A Letter to My Body
After all we've been through, these things I now promise you...
To my body…
Remember the time in 2021 when we were on a dusty ranch in Texas filming a Bible study…and we had to keep pausing production because you couldn’t stop crying due to an overwhelming heaviness you couldn’t shake?
And remember that I didn’t listen to you, trying to tell me through your tears that something was wrong?
Instead, I just did what I always did with you — told you that you were fine. Gave you a pep talk and said to keep going. Because that’s what work horses know to do.
But the truth that I know now is…you were in menopause.
So when I was pushing you out there on the ranch that day filming amidst brain fog, grief, extreme fatigue, and unexplained physical pain, I was pushing a body that deserved to be understood, loved and listened to.
I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I’m so sorry I didn’t love you enough to listen to you that day.
The truth is, this was not the first time (or the last) I didn’t listen to you.
Going all the way back to when I was a young girl…
For the mean things I have said to you that I shouldn’t have and the kind things I didn’t say but you needed me to…
For the ways I should have protected you but didn’t, and for the times I let others devalue you, including me…I’m sorry.
I have given all of this over to God, my Imago Dei Creator, and by His grace, I no longer live in regret.
But I chose, still, healthy lament — the kind of holy sorrow that makes me grateful for Jesus: for the young girl who didn’t understand who she was and the young woman who wasted time not loving who God made her to be.
And I now offer thanks.
For the many miles you have taken me over all the many years, literally and figuratively…thank you.
For how very strong you are. For what you’ve allowed me to see, taste, touch, and feel. For every thought, feeling, smile and tear — all came with meaning.
You deserve much more than hype. You deserve better than the idea that compliments, high fives or posing in a bathing suit on a beach exposing my cellulite will fix what has for years been broken.
It’s been a long road with us. And so, after all we've been through, these things I now promise you...
I will never again attach worth to your size.
I will never again place cruel and unrealistic expectations on you ignoring the realities of your age, bone structure or current hormonal / chemical makeup.
I will never again force something quick on you in order to avoid doing something that’s better for you, though it may feel hard.
I will be willing to break up with anything that places yokes upon you, even if it disappoints someone else.
I will never again determine your beauty or discipline on how much you can shrink.
I will always live in honesty about the journey I’m on with you since honesty is the root of our wellness.
I will stop comparing you to what other people's metabolism looks like.
I will make choices for you that are glorifying to God and not in terms of jeans-size.
I will never again hush you by ignoring you, telling you you are mistaken, or carelessly stuffing things down inside of you instead of dealing with it.
I will, instead, honor you as the one and only body God has given me. I will actively seek to love you like you are loved by God. I will continue to pursue freedom for you and in you.
I cannot change the past, but I can live differently in you in the future.
With God’s grace, it is exactly what I will do.
(ps: This is a letter to my body. But the love letter is really to Jesus, the one who made my body. All thanks, honor and praise really goes to Him.)
(Want to write a letter to your body? Keep reading for the 3 things you most need to know, plus a very personal special video from me to you. :))